a burst of realization

what i call "a burst of realization" happened all in one day.
and i call it a burst, cos i realized something happened, so quickly, if you didnt know

#1: people think that music is a joke, and are turning it into a fashion failure
this all happened when the song decode by paramore got really popular through twilight. dont get me wrong, i think that its great that paramore is getting attention from people who likes twilight cos hayley likes twilight too. but i hate the fact that people i know "think" they like or are into paramore just cos they appeared on the twilight soundtrack after listening to one or two songs. then they lie and say that they've always known the band and brag about it to everyone, making it seem like they're only listening to it cos its part of twilight not because paramore is a really good band. its like all of a sudden since when did they listen to paramore. trust me when i say that i know people like that. they wouldnt even know paramore if it wasnt for the movie. but twilight is an awesome movie. go watch it if you havent[:


maybe im just over reacting and over thinking the situation, but i dont like it when people do stuff like that. like they think they know/love a band after listening to one song. yeah sure your interested in them and wanna listen to more of them, but saying to everyone "yeah i love blah blah" or "i listen to that band",
puh-lease! give me a break. or like when you introduce your friends to other people, then your friends totally ignore you and hang out with them instead. its like, not cool. i understand that people might not agree with me, but hey, its my opinion and its what i think.

i feel quite strongly about mainstreamness (when something becomes popluar reallt quickly, most of the time for the wrong reasons). take the jonas brothers for instance. i think they're a really good band, who has a lot of talent and their music is awesome. but the fact they emerged from the disney crowd throws me off. more than half of their fans are 7-11 year old girls who think that joe jonas is so totally hot. i wonder what would happen if they didnt sign with disney records. they would definatly have different fans. they are a really good band just destroyed with the disney factor and its sad. i dont think they're gonna get out of that wave.

#2: i crave for attention
okay its not the "look at me everybody, cos im an attention-seeking bitch"
its more like the attention from people i feel close to. just recently, i've been in situations were im talking or hanging out with people who are i feel are close to me, then just completly ignore me or just stop talking to me. then i'll be thinking if i did anything wrong and think that its my fault. and when they do that i try to keep the conversation going but i run out of things to say. god, someone slap me and tell me im lame! then after that realization, comes another one.

#3: im not as close to people as i think i am
so i was at burwood when i realized something. i was waiting in line to buy food then i saw one of my closest friend coming down from the escalator. i thought he was gonna come up and say hi but he didnt. but maybe it was someone else that looks like him. but what if it wasnt. what if he just didnt wanna say hello. okay, writing this is making me realise that i am really paranoid. before i used to think that i have no friends or a lie. oh my god, there is something wrong with me.
it got me thinking that people who i thought was close to me, isnt anymore. maybe it was something i did or said or didnt do. from the beginning of last year the people who i thought were close to me but isnt, was close to me. my relationships between my friends have changed since then. im afraid that it might get worse or to the point where we stop talking. i'm always thinking that i'm the only person they'll talk to about stuff and feel as close as i think we are. but i'm wrong. i think that i'm the only person that have stuff in common with them. but i'm wrong.

#4: when it comes to cleaning, i'm a freak
ever since my mum left, my dad made us do more around in the holidays. so twice as much chorse ><
but when i'm bothered and actually wanna clean, i can't stop. the other day i spent the whole afternoon cleaning my clothes. so like taking them all out of my closet and re folding them and organising them into different groups. and it wasnt cos i was bored! my brother came into the room and said " what the hell are you doing? did dad tell you to do that?" and in my head i replied "what am i doing?!" i think its weird cos i never do stuff like that. and it mostly happens on sundays. like when we come home from going out i go straight into my room and clean. maybe its cos i'd like to start my week clean and tidy. but at the end of the next day, its the same as it was before. i actually enjoy it, but only when i want to.

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and on a postive note i got my dad listening to paramore(:
pretty weird, after what i said before. but he actually listens to them, to the point where he wanted to have their cd in the car. his favourite song is decode, when it rains and misery buisness. but he accidentally called them "compound". hmm comparison much? i think that's awesome but weird. another awesome but weird thing is that my brother actually appriecated panic for once. i was watching the panic dvd and he started watching with me. i just thought he was bored. i stopped it for awhile cos i need to hang the clothes and when i came back, to my surprise he was still watching it. i told him i needed to turn it off cos i was going out but he said he wanted to watch it. i was like whoaaa!
i didnt ask him why he wanted to watch it incase he snapped out off it and return to the usual hatred of them

current song: blower's daughter - damien rice
current mood: annoyed