introduction

so here i am.
my first blog on the last day of 'O8
i first decided to start this after reading keltie colleens one.
it seemed interesting to do but also the fact that my summer holidays is a total bum.
so this should keep me busy.

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i'm looking back on the year that is gonna go away in a matter of hours.
all the memories i had, the moments i shared, the friends i have and how i've changed since the year before
how i am as a person, as a friend. and lets just say that im not disappointed at myself but that i felt i could have been better.
the past few weeks in the holidays, i had enough time to see what i've become and who i will be.
i noticed that im not really a commited person when it comes to things i love doing such as dancing, or playing guitar or the piano.
although i did put an effort into going to classes for it, it didnt seem as if it was enough.
im lazy and always put of things that i want to do. but then i want to be the best i can be, but without the work? didnt really work out it seemed.
dont get me wrong, i love what i do and i want to better obviously but i didnt work as hard as i wanted to. i did make an effort which is good. not enough though.
maybe im to hard on myself but i really do need the extra push.
and it sucks that i just realised it now.
i lack commitment, confidence and determination.
but in my head i always see me better than i am now.
a person who is fully committed into something they love doing and being able to show it without fear.

well at least the new year is just around the cornor
and i welcome it with open arms
dont you just love it just before the new year comes you evalute your year then see how you can improve. but dont you also hate it when you evalute and it wasnt as you wanted it to be a year ago.
hopefully, that isnt the kind of attitude a year from now.
i promise the i will be better than i am now. scouts honour. even if i was never in scouts
although my dad is always pushing me to join.
i see, or at least wanting to see, myself doing bigger and better things.
hmm, i always have something good to say the night before but i can never remember.
its kinda hard to write all these things in my head as im writing in my kitchen with the noise of the stove, the tv and the cars outside

well that was a lot to take in for a first blog.
good start dont you think.

current song: automatic eyes - the academy is
current mood: relief, hunger